Tuesday, May 5, 2009

How do I find a Dom?

I was wondering if you may be able to help a young submissive girl deal with a problem?

Just this passed year, I realized that I was submissive. That I want, or more accurately, need to be owned. I just don't know where to find someone who wants to play with me. I'm not a pretty girl, by any standards, but it was never this difficult before to find a guy that would have sex with me. Usually that is frighteningly easy...but I don't want just sex. I want to give up control. I want to be spanked when I am bad (and sometimes just for fun when I'm good!) I have tried having regular "vanilla" sex, but it just leaves me more hungry for submission. For spanking. For hair pulling. For serving. For giving up all control. So I guess my actual question is...how do I find someone who wants to do those things to me?

Thank you in advance, and if you have any advice or suggested reading or words of wisdom for a brand new submissive trying to get her shit together, I would greatly appreciate it!

- K

Hello K

I do understand how it will be for you in wanting to explore your new found feelings and desires in a safe and supportive relationship. It can be very difficult finding someone who you know you can trust, with complementary needs who will care for you and help you fulfil this side of your personality.

Take care. I know subs who have had some very upsetting and difficult experiences in meeting new Doms - especially through contact sites. Though some have had success.

In the UK local groups of people into the scene have occasional meetings called "munches" - just to meet up and talk rather than to scene. They can be a good way to meet new people safely.

You might also meet new friends online through blogs. Maybe start reading blogs of other subs and adding your comments - or even writing to blogger subs who seem friendly. It would be good to have other subs to talk to who have been through what you are going through now and who can offer you advice from personal experience.

I am sure you will find lots of men who want to do those things to you. The trick is to find ones who you can trust and who are interested in your satisfaction as well as their own.

Good luck K

Best wishes



  1. Sometimes finding that person, K, takes a long time. It has taken me ten years to find my Master. :) Keep your chin up, and like He said, make friends.

  2. I am in NY, and was one that found a dom from a referral from another. Those like me who do NOT want 24/7, and want to explore sometimes have to share a dom with others. This is the price of finding a real dom. Too often most of the boys who think they are dom just are looking for a way to push another around, or just looking for forced sex. You just have to keep your wits about you, and go with your gut feeling
    -- deb


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