Tuesday, February 1, 2011


I had been intending to write on the Kind Dom blog about this subject. I will do so soon. However by chance I got this email from J:

My question is about something you've mentioned before.

Recently, I was placed "Under Protection" of someone. I wasn't entirely sure what it meant, but HE explained it to me as such.

I had been considering placing you under protection, and even mentioned it to [his slave].
It's usually a bit strange for a Trainer/Master to approach someone about this but since Protocol isn't something you are very into I thought I would make an exception. ;)
There is some Protocol to this kind of arrangement, but very little.
The main thing that I ask is that you take my input and consideration seriously and think it over before making a decision on whatever topic is under discussion.
That does not mean that you have to do what I say of course, just as I said, take my advice seriously.
I think it would be benificial to you and I wouldn't worry as much about you. :)

So, that being said, agreed. I'm pretty headstrong, and I in NO way wanted to be TOLD what to do, but the way I read it, he had no intention on ordering me to do anything.

I travel for work. I've travelled for work for 4 years. But I got back from travelling yesterday, and the first thing out of his mouth when I went to his house to hang out was "you didn't ask my permission to go."
I didn't think I needed to. It's mny JOB, I don't think I should have to ask permisson of ANYONE to work.

Furthermore, he told me I wasn't allowed to go see my long-distance boyfriend over Valentine's Day. Mind you, he's never MET my boyfriend. But was disallowing me from seeing him.
I mean, I'm gona go see him anyway,I'm an adult, but heres my question;

That crosses a pretty serious line, right?
Based on his OWN message to me, he's over stepped his bounds.

Question 2; Any good ideas on how to dissolve this situation without brusing an ego or hurting a friendship?


I rather thought that her protector was pushing the boundaries too far and replied in this way:

Dear J

I was surprised at first that you talked of "being placed 'Under Protection' " in a way that implied it had been the Dom's decision. I feel that is inappropriate. It might be that a friend who is a Dom might offer protection when they feel you are in danger - even from yourself - and need advice and support. But it is not something that one imposes on another. Rather to my mind it is something that comes about from agreement.

I can agree with what your "protector" explained was his role - but certainly not with how he is carrying it out. In his admonishment of you for going away he was being controlling and punitive. It seems totally inappropriate.

I would tell him you are not prepared to accept his "protection" in that form. Given that he cannot keep to his own guidelines I would be wary of accepting it from him in any form. I feel that trust has been broken in this case. Yes he stepped over the bounds. After that it can sometimes be hard to step back again.

But he is a friend - so how do you deal with it? You don't want to hurt his feelings (we Doms are such sensitive creatures! LOL) I think you should explain that while you appreciate his advice and support and will continue to take it seriously you cannot accept the level of control he wishes to impose. I am sure you can find the words to do it appropriately. If he is not prepared to accept this and tries to impose his own solution - then I think you will need to ask yourself if he can remain a friend when he acts in such a way. There would be such lack of respect that for me it would be hard to maintain the friendship.

I hope that helps.

You will of course do what you feel is best.

Best wishes


What do readers feel? Was this overstepping the bounds of "protection"?