Tuesday, February 1, 2011


I had been intending to write on the Kind Dom blog about this subject. I will do so soon. However by chance I got this email from J:

My question is about something you've mentioned before.

Recently, I was placed "Under Protection" of someone. I wasn't entirely sure what it meant, but HE explained it to me as such.

I had been considering placing you under protection, and even mentioned it to [his slave].
It's usually a bit strange for a Trainer/Master to approach someone about this but since Protocol isn't something you are very into I thought I would make an exception. ;)
There is some Protocol to this kind of arrangement, but very little.
The main thing that I ask is that you take my input and consideration seriously and think it over before making a decision on whatever topic is under discussion.
That does not mean that you have to do what I say of course, just as I said, take my advice seriously.
I think it would be benificial to you and I wouldn't worry as much about you. :)

So, that being said, agreed. I'm pretty headstrong, and I in NO way wanted to be TOLD what to do, but the way I read it, he had no intention on ordering me to do anything.

I travel for work. I've travelled for work for 4 years. But I got back from travelling yesterday, and the first thing out of his mouth when I went to his house to hang out was "you didn't ask my permission to go."
I didn't think I needed to. It's mny JOB, I don't think I should have to ask permisson of ANYONE to work.

Furthermore, he told me I wasn't allowed to go see my long-distance boyfriend over Valentine's Day. Mind you, he's never MET my boyfriend. But was disallowing me from seeing him.
I mean, I'm gona go see him anyway,I'm an adult, but heres my question;

That crosses a pretty serious line, right?
Based on his OWN message to me, he's over stepped his bounds.

Question 2; Any good ideas on how to dissolve this situation without brusing an ego or hurting a friendship?


I rather thought that her protector was pushing the boundaries too far and replied in this way:

Dear J

I was surprised at first that you talked of "being placed 'Under Protection' " in a way that implied it had been the Dom's decision. I feel that is inappropriate. It might be that a friend who is a Dom might offer protection when they feel you are in danger - even from yourself - and need advice and support. But it is not something that one imposes on another. Rather to my mind it is something that comes about from agreement.

I can agree with what your "protector" explained was his role - but certainly not with how he is carrying it out. In his admonishment of you for going away he was being controlling and punitive. It seems totally inappropriate.

I would tell him you are not prepared to accept his "protection" in that form. Given that he cannot keep to his own guidelines I would be wary of accepting it from him in any form. I feel that trust has been broken in this case. Yes he stepped over the bounds. After that it can sometimes be hard to step back again.

But he is a friend - so how do you deal with it? You don't want to hurt his feelings (we Doms are such sensitive creatures! LOL) I think you should explain that while you appreciate his advice and support and will continue to take it seriously you cannot accept the level of control he wishes to impose. I am sure you can find the words to do it appropriately. If he is not prepared to accept this and tries to impose his own solution - then I think you will need to ask yourself if he can remain a friend when he acts in such a way. There would be such lack of respect that for me it would be hard to maintain the friendship.

I hope that helps.

You will of course do what you feel is best.

Best wishes


What do readers feel? Was this overstepping the bounds of "protection"?


  1. I agree with everything you said to her. He overstepped the boundaries that he himself placed which dissolves trust and therefore, in my opinion, the ability for him to act as her protector.

    I think that being placed under protection should be at the initiation of the sub. That way she can choose who she trusts with the task. The way he went about it was totally wrong and presumptuous, I think.

  2. Thank you Alice. I tend to agree with you that being placed under protection should be at the initiation of the sub. It seemed strange to have come from a Dom friend.

    However as I reflected on this I can remember one occasion some years ago now where I was very, very concerned about the actions of a very close sub friend. I was worried about her. We had been close online and I can recollect I had considered trying to do something similar though perhaps not using those terms.

    - P xx

  3. "Benificial"?

    Tell the loser to finish high school and then you'll think about teaching him what he needs to know about women.

  4. Thanks pupslinger!

    I was trying to find more polite words - but sometimes being direct may be what is needed! I am sure J will take note.

    P xx

  5. David has written a very well thought out description of the role of a protector on my "Kind Dom" blog here.

    P xx

  6. Wow. I am speechless. Crossed boundaries? Absolutely. If this person is a suppossed friend then he should be exactly that, a friend and nothing more. He has overstepped boundaries and simple respect.

  7. Hey vanimp! How nice to see you here. Thanks for your input.

    J has written about it on her own blog and it is clear she has got the message and has valued the support.

    P xxxx


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