Friday, July 19, 2013

Can I have my Master and my boyfriend at the same time?

I received an email from C. She wrote:

I have a problem and it's driving me a little bit crazy

I was someone's submissive but our relationship had to end due to something out of our control. It was horrible and when I got round to dating people again, I fell for a more of a normal guy. He is slightly dominant in the bedroom and likes that I'm submissive. But it isn't the same... I love being with him but there's a kind of empty feeling because I miss being a sub. I don't cheat on people. So basically I want a way that I can have my boyfriend and my Master at the same time and no-one gets hurt... this is giving me a headache and distracting me from my dissertation. Please help me. I'm not sure how. I feel like Jekyll and Hyde...

Thanks for listening

I replied as follows:
Can you "have your boyfriend and a Master at the same time"? Can you have your cake and eat it? I'm really not sure but it seems fraught with difficulty. Are you talking about taking a new Master as well as staying with your boyfriend? Are you sure you will find a new Master easily? If you do, is your hope that they will each accept one another and be happy with you seeing each of them to meet your different needs? It sounds an ideal situation that I am sure many would like but I doubt that you will find that both your boyfriend and your Master will be happy with the situation.

Or are you thinking of keeping each secret from the other? You say you don't cheat on people so you would find it difficult and it would not be something I would recommend.

You say your boyfriend is slightly dominant in the bedroom. Can you discuss your needs with him and introduce him to D/s in the hope that he may be tempted to take it slightly further and become your Master? In the end I think you will need to decide whether your boyfriend can fully meet your needs and if he cannot then whether you accept that or decide to finish with him and look for someone who can.

Though I know there are readers of this blog who have managed to develop separate relationships with a Master and a husband or boyfriend. Perhaps one of them may comment and let us know how they managed to arrange such a situation.

These are just my thoughts and you will need to find a way through this that works for you.

Thanks and good luck
So - do any readers have a separate partner and Dom? How did you arrive at such an arrangement? How do you keep it working? Can others see how it might be made to work?