Friday, December 20, 2013

submission, masochism and self harm

I had a new comment here to an earlier post about submission, pain and masochism on A Kind Dom recently:

Pet said...

Is this comment a bit late? I'd like to mention I love the way you wrote... That may seem odd, but I have a writing fetish (not sexually... :P) Either way, I wonder about your ideas on submissives and masochists. I've known that I'm submissive for far too long, but I've only recently realized that I might be a masochist as well.

This is something that bothers me, not because I feel uneasy with my own preferences, but because I'm not sure whether or not I am one, and I don't really understand the difference that well. I do know that when I get lonely or my emotions pile up I sometimes turn self-destructive. I'd hurt myself just to release my pent up energy. Is that a masochistic thing, or do I just have mental problems?

Needless to say, I feel a bit confused. I hope you could clear this dilemma up for me?

Sincerely, Pet.
It was kind of Pet to write kindly about my writing and I thank her for that. However her comment raises a number of issues and I would like to reply properly to her here.

I do think there is a distinct difference between submission and masochism. I wonder if submission is more in the mind and masochism more in the body? Yes, I know that is much too simplistic. However the two do seem very distinct. Masochism may imply submission but there are many submissives who do not get off on pain at all. Their desire is to be controlled rather than hurt whereas a masochist's desire is to be hurt. There have been interesting discussions about this on A Kind Dom recently here and here.

I worry though about Pet's connection of masochism with self harm. That does seem to be something that I personally find negative. However is that the ultimate conclusion of masochism?

There was also another comment relating to masochism and self harm here.

I wonder what you the reader think? Do comment.