Thursday, August 16, 2012


J wrote to me recently. She said,
Good evening Sir,

i have a problem i would like help with. i found Your blog through google search. i am new to the BDSM lifestyle, and yesterday at my first in-person meeting with my Dom i messed up big time. He says he accepts my apology (i did many things wrong- disobeying His commands, standing/walking- not crawling, yelling when there was a spider in the room, not calling Him Sir, as well as a couple other things, i'm sure.). my question now is how to i get Him to stop feeling indifferent towards me? i just asked Him and He says He isn't angry at me, just indifferent. This hurts more than Him being angry. Is there anything i can do?

Thank you so much for your time, Sir. 
It is always difficult for those new to this. It can also be very intense - and to feel a Dom is indifferent seems a cruel punishment. I replied as follows.
Hello J

Thank you for your email.

I am sorry you are having problems. I do know that it can be difficult when one is new to BDSM. There seems to be so much to learn and new protocols to get used to. It is easy as a sub to think that everything is your fault and that it is you who is somehow inadequate.

However those who claim more experience should be supportive to those new to the scene. Also a Dom should show respect towards his sub, help teach her, and be understanding of her needs.

You cannot expect to know everything at once and if things did not go well on your first meeting then that is as much if not far more to do with him, his skills and his attitude as it is to do with you.

If he says he is indifferent to you then I am tempted to suggest that you tell him to get lost. Possibly in even more colourful language. I think you deserve better. There are good people out there who can help you learn and begin to experience some of the things you desire.

Best wishes and good luck

Pygar xx
Do others have more helpful advice? Do add to the comment. Thanks!