Friday, October 1, 2010

Conjecture about craving spanking

A has written to me asking about spanking and depression. I have written about depression and submission before here. But A's letter is more specific and directly related in particular to spanking.

Dear Dom,

I first became interested in spanking when unhappily married and resentful of my wife's actions. fantasies at that time were always of spanking her. Later an online friend introduced me to the idea of receiving spankings. Years later I eventually acted on some of these fantasies and have been spanked by woman friends on a number of occasions, and have fantasized about them far more often.

Now I am facing a possible need for anti-depressants and wonder if the desire to be spanked is related to the depression. Depression being anger turned inwards, and possibly thus craving the severe sting of the mistress' paddle and cane on my backside. I am wondering if the craving will dissipate when I am on antidepressant medication. I also wonder if the extra-marital spankings were a way of sexual acting out that is safer than a full blown sexual affair.

Any thoughts about these questions?

best wishes


My response to A was:

I have found that many female sub friends suffer from severe depression and I have often wondered what the relationship may be between submission and depression.

Yes - you may be right about trying to avoid a full blown affair - only you can know that. But thee is the danger it could develop into an affair - and possibly very intense as BDSM relationships tend to have that additional intensity. So if that is likely to be a problem for you, beware!

I wonder though what my readers think? Is A's desire to be spanked related to his depression? Will it be dissipated if his depression is alleviated or cured? Have others had similar experiences?


  1. I actually find my craving for spanking is lower when I'm depressed or on the brink of depression, however the benefit to me is much much greater. If I'm on the brink of depression, spanking can prevent it entirely.

    Depression is inner focus to an intensity that creates great anguish. Being spanked empties my mind. Submission takes the focus outside myself. And that gives me a completely different outlook.

    Now, I am female and I won't claim that things work the same way for males and females. ;-)

  2. Thanks Emilie for your perspective. There is a parallel post on my "Kind Dom" blog where others suggest like you that spanking can help alleviate depression.

  3. need hard hand spanking now


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