I have just heard from him again. He writes,
PygarMy thoughts? Well I think Graham has worked it out for himself when he writes,
Thought I would provide an update and could use yours and your readers thoughts
My girl still feeling terrible guilt over our relationship. She loves me deeply, but feels she is being dishonest, deceitful and selfish in regards to her husband and children who are not aware of our relationship.
Since we live close enough, I have wanted to be with her; but her fear of being discovered continues to hold her back and actually limits what we can do if and when we get together.
I am very physical, and it's that aspect that causes her the most problem. She has told me if we eliminated the physical aspect (in real time) she can deal with her feelings in good conscience.
That just doesn't work for me. I want and need a complete relationship which includes some physicality.
We care deeply for each other, love each other unlike any others. I hate to see the stress and trauma she feels from her guilt, deceit, dishonest.
She knows she can't get from her husband what I give her, but she can't handle the guilt the relationship brings.
I love and want this girl very much, she is my one.....but I'm thinking if I truly act in her best interests, if I care, I should offer or in fact let her go....release her.
We have been thru so much....but this is impacting her...and I hate to be the cause of her stress.
Your thoughts?
I love and want this girl very much, she is my one.....but I'm thinking if I truly act in her best interests, if I care, I should offer or in fact let her go....release her.So yes, if he truly does want to "act in her best interests, if I care," then should he "offer or in fact let her go....release her."
We have been thru so much....but this is impacting her...and I hate to be the cause of her stress.
So I wonder what readers think. Is this the inevitable end? Should Graham release her?
Argh. I'm going to sound very judgmental here, because this is something I feel very strongly about. Cheating, lying to a partner/spouse/loved one, is an inexcusable thing to do. It is the act of a coward, of a weak-minded human being with a lack of character, class, and respect for other people. There is absolutely NO excuse for doing it, ever.
ReplyDeleteIf someone is in an unhappy, unfullfilling relationship- they should either try to fix it, seek counselling, or else be a mature freaking adult and end it. To do otherwise is to grossly and selfishly mistreat their partner, holding them in an unhappy relationship under false pretenses. It's a very selfish, childish attempt to hold onto someone and continue to use them, for stability, financial, or other reasons while trying to scratch an itch in what is often a fantasy-based pseudo-romance, without taking responsibility for their own actions or dealing with the consequences of their choices. It is a reprehensible thing to do, and I would never stand for it, myself, nor would I ever want to be involved in any capacity with someone engaging in such a toxic and destructive practice.
So, yeah- my advice? End the relationship. And have the testicular fortitude to avoid being involved in a dishonest, destructive relationship pattern like that in the future.
Thanks Tamar. When you feel strongly about something then it is good to express those thoughts in a confident and persuasive way. So thank you for contributing.
ReplyDeleteP xx
It's hard to follow your brain when the heart wants what it wants...
ReplyDeleteIt sounds like it would do more harm than good to keep the relationship going, and if Graham and his girl have already talk about it and found no solutions, then I'm not sure what else there is to do but let her go.
Sucky situation. Best of luck to them.
Thanks for the comment and good advice Misty. As you say it is often difficult to follow ones brain when ones heart is elsewhere. However it may be for the best.
ReplyDeleteP xx
beladona also sems to agree with the above views in her post on A Kind Dom here.
ReplyDeletePygar, I'm so curious, how in the world did you add a link in your comment? I can't figure out how to do that or type in italics, in my comments. I would love to be able to do that. Please don't waste your time if it's complicated to explain! :)
ReplyDeleteI've sent you an email Misty. I hope it is clear.
ReplyDeleteP xx
Pygar, once again your brilliance shines through. Your advice is spot on. Well done!
ReplyDelete:)
ReplyDeleteThat is kind praise indeed DaniS, though sadly probably undeserved!
Thank you very much
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Long-term interpersonal relationships exist on multiple levels. There is never any one thing that holds them together.
ReplyDeleteWhatever keeps a couple from going their separate ways typically involves some form of reciprocity. Both individuals have to get something from their interaction over time.
Within the mix of a stable relationship, communication is paramount. The couple that talks with and listen to each other is more likely to stay together.
Likewise, some effort must be made by both parties to accommodate the needs of the other. At the same time, knowing what to do requires the give and take of communication.
Few things in a long-term stable and mutually satisfying relationship occur magically.
All too often, however, people expect the other person to know what they want. This expectation can be self-defeating because, if needs to unmet for too long, frustration sets in.
All of the above requires effort. At times, it can actually be work! This becomes especially true when the relationship hits an inevitable difficulties.
As with communication, couples able to work through problems together are more likely to stay together. Doing so makes their relationship stronger.
No two people are a perfect match over time. Change happens. When it does, accommodations and adaptations must be made if the relationship is to survive.
Quite often the most destructive force unleashed in a relationship is a focus on the self rather than the other person. It can be absolutely fatal to any relationship.
Thank you for the very thoughtful reply Anonymous. As you say "Quite often the most destructive force unleashed in a relationship is a focus on the self rather than the other person. It can be absolutely fatal to any relationship."
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Great blog! What a forum for ideas. Thank you.
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