bondage marks

I have received the following interesting email from naughty Lizard about bondage marks. As I have been very, very slow in publishing the email I do hope readers have some advice to give.

Dear Uncle Agony,

I'm a nice submissive girl who has been in a sexless marriage for several years. I recently began having an affair, and my new lover and I very much want him to tie me up. (Ahem. Very much!)

But. He is concerned about leaving marks on my skin. I haven't been able to find much helpful advice on bondage techniques that *avoid* leaving marks.

Can you help?

Thank you,

Naughty Lizard

I find it an interesting topic as for different reasons I often have to avoid marking my own submissive woman. It can be very annoying having to be careful not to leave suspicious marks.

My advice to Naughty Lizard was as follows

I'm pleased you seem to have found a partner to have fun with and I do understand your dilemma. If you have tried the local kink friendly sex store then you may be left with the internet. There are things you can get from there but it might be that neither of you can have things delivered through the post if your lover is also married.

I did a bit of Googling and found sites that advertised soft rope that they claimed did not mark. One of the things seems to be to avoid twisted rope as opposed to covered rope. In the end though it is a matter of how tightly you tie the ropes and for how long! I find that most rope marks where there is no chaffing are gone in an hour or so - and many marks even more quickly. Knotting techniques are useful too - so that the rope does not bite around you. There are some good instructional videos on twistedmonk.com

When I Googled I also found this advice -
http://socyberty.com/folklore/self-bondage-rope-marks/

I wonder if readers can offer further advice?

new

I received an email recently for publication on Uncle Agony with the title "submissive". It went as follows,

Dear reader,

I'm very new to the BDSM life. I don't have a partner nor do I know whether I am a submissive or a dominate. I do, however, know that I like BDSM and would enjoy doing it. I believe that I am a submissive person but all my life I have been raised to be a dominate person and it's hard for me to let go of control. I also have a few questions about the BDSM life style, such as if your a submissive, do you act like a slave with your partner 24/7? Or can you (the submissive) be treated like a normal person outside of the sex? Thanks for your time and support.

Alexandria (alex)

I sometimes find it so hard to know where to begin with those like alex who are new to D/s and BDSM. There are no easy answers and I believe no rights and wrongs. It may be just a matter of finding the right relationship with the right person who one can really trust - then taking it from there.

There is so much to learn - and where to start? Of course there is lots written on the internet to research. However there is such a lot that it must be overwhelming for someone who is new but eager to learn and to experience safely.

When one is new and with no experience one is in that wonderful state of knowing there is something out there - but what might one become? Something precious for a good mentor to teach and help find fulfilment - or a potential victim for someone manipulative to abuse?

I feel much of the advice that alex requests from me is already written in my Kind Dom blog. However it would be a long read from the start.

What is the essence of knowledge to give to alex and others like her?

Do others have more supportive responses to her questions than I have given so far?